We tend to make New Year resolutions to become new and improved versions of ourselves, but with the right outlook our goals can transform from things we hope to do to a plan to obtain the strength we need, the happiness we desire, and the support we seek.
As military spouses we have the opportunity to learn from the experience of others and to be a part of a community we may not otherwise have. I’ve met with several military spouses in different phases of military life to find some perspective to guide me through the new year, and I wondered: Even though their experiences seemed different, are they?
About the spouses and their words of advice:
Misty Clark has been a military spouse for 17 and a half years and her husband works as a paralegal after medically reclassing from Infantry. Misty talked about her work as a substitute teacher, her recent completion of her degree, and her plans to begin pursuing her master’s degree. She devotes her time volunteering in her three children’s schools, as the secretary for the Fort Liberty Spouses Club (FLSC), and in her personal community.
“Don’t isolate yourself,” Misty said. “As uncomfortable as it is, go to an event by yourself. Someone will see you and smile, and now you met your best friend. That’s how I met mine.”
Kate Dempsey has been a military spouse for 14 years and her husband works in Air Defense Artillery. She shed light on her work in teaching and her time spent volunteering for various organizations including the FLSC as the treasurer and Army Community Service (ACS). Kate explained her efforts to support members of the military community such as running the Fort Liberty Area Gifts (FLAG), assisting with unit events, and reaching out to friends with deployed service members.
“Don’t be afraid to ask for help,” Kate said. “If you’re not connected, get connected to the community.”
Kortnee Ramos has been a military spouse for three years and her husband works as an Infantryman. Kortnee, previously an active-duty service member herself for four years, has recently become a stay-at-home mom to their 2-year-old daughter while she adjusts to their new way of life. While discussing next steps and future goals, she explained the differences in being a dual military couple and how they make it all work.
“Keep a good support system,” Kortnee said. “Having a loving and supportive spouse is a great thing, but having a system is even better.”
Laiklynne Miller has been a military spouse for three years and her husband works in the Military Police Department. Fort Liberty is their first duty station together, and she spends a lot of time out in the community while working at the Iron Mike Conference Center here on the installation. Laiklynne talked about her time spent working as the publicity chairperson for the FLSC and events she volunteers for here in the community.
“There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel,” Laiklynne said.
Tyvon “Ty” Reese has been a military spouse for two years and his husband works as a generator mechanic. Ty explained his life growing up as an Army brat compared to being “married to the Army” and the difference in those experiences. Ty spends his time working in the legal field as an attorney, bartending at local establishments, and surrounding himself with a positive support system while he manages the difficulties of a deployment.
“Cry. Let it out. Don’t bottle it up,” Ty said. “Don’t be afraid to be in touch with your emotions.”
Learning from experience
None of us are exempt from stress and triggers, but as military spouses, we juggle the stress of our daily lives and what can feel like the weight of the world on our shoulders. Periods of separation from our spouses, PCSing, being away from close friends/family, making a new house a home, and learning to lean on a community of strangers in an unfamiliar place. How do you deal with that? How do you stay strong, happy and feel secure?
No one will ever have the perfect answer, but advice from someone who has been in your shoes can absolutely help guide you in the right direction.
Army families have access to a huge network of resources created to support them and sometimes the hardest part is simply knowing that they exist, or that there’s no shame in using them. Each of the five spouses I met believe in utilizing the community around you and the resources available to you.
Therapy as a couple or for yourself was highly supported unanimously. Noted as an excellent aid in communication, therapy is an excellent resource to utilize in the new year if you are not already. Communication is key; a strength required to be your best self, and to have a happy and healthy relationship with all of the people in your life. As a military family, there are a multitude of options available to help get you connected.
Physical fitness is also highly recommended without exception, and there are resources available to ensure you can! Yoga, running, walking and going to the gym (even your own at home) were at the top of the spouses’ list for the best practices in remaining balanced. Said to take minimal time and the ability to be done anywhere, these simple physical practices can help you take on a happier and healthier new year. Self-care is included and plays a large role in your mental health as well. Each spouse discussed the importance of self-care, and I’m sure we can all do better with remembering to do some of that.
Planning and writing it all down is another important practice, and there are resources for that. Financial and daily planning is noted to help the spouses keep it all together. Getting in the habit of maintaining calendars and planners is said to reduce stress and anxiety and may get you in the habit of journaling. Seeing a financial or family advisor could put your family on a path to a more fulfilling new year.
The most highly regarded practice for the new year from the spouses? Getting connected to the community. Avoiding isolation is imperative as a military spouse as you are better connected to useful resources, you find meaningful ways to spend your time, and friends become family. Being connected on social media is an excellent way to open the door, but getting out of your comfort zone and meeting new people will have a huge impact on your happiness in 2024.
While each of the spouses lead different lives, are in different places in their journey, and are different people, they, as Army spouses, are not different at all. And what connects them connects us all.
My hope for 2024 is for all military spouses to enter the new year with new connections, new opportunities and a new perspective.
As author Hillary DePiano says, “We all get the exact same 365 days. The only difference is what we do with them.”
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Jaylin Kremer and her husband are natives of Pittsburgh. She is studying psychology and plans to go to law school and works as an advocate for mental health and victims of sexual violence. Jaylin is a member of the Fort Liberty school board and first vice president of the Fort Liberty Spouses Club. She believes that small acts of kindness go a long way.
Editor's note: As part of CityView's commitment to filling gaps by providing reporting and information for the Fort Liberty community, our HomeFront initiative has two columnists who will write regularly about issues military families face. If there's a topic you'd like for our columnists to address, let us know at talk@cityviewnc.com.
